1. Do not sit by someone whose butt sloshes over to your side of the seat.

2. Do not sit by someone who stacks all of their crap in their lap. This makes it virtually impossible for you to crawl over them in case of an emergency exit.

3. Do not sit by someone who exudes any odor. Unless they smell like donuts.

4. Never talk to anyone else riding the bus. They’ll think you are a Martian. It just isn’t done.

5. Never be deluded into thinking that you are in your own personal cone of silence when talking on your cell phone. We hear every word you tell your ex. Or your doctor. Or your therapist.