Do you ever read a news story and think, “Wow, they must have written that for Martians, because everyone on Earth knows that already”?

Such was the story about text messaging in The Facts, Brazoria County’s newspaper. The headline: “Professionals finding texting to be useful tool,” then it goes on to quote professionals who find texting to be a useful tool.

Beyond the “duh” factor, there’s a kernel of truth here about technology: If you haven’t experienced something for yourself, it’s almost impossible to understand it. Or as my Asian religion professor would say, “The Tao that can be named is not the true Tao.”

I resisted Facebook and Twitter for a long time because I thought they would be time suckers (and I am vindicated). When I asked people what they were like, they all had the same answer, “You’ll just have to try it and find out.”

Because I know some of you will NEVER try social media (Dad), here’s my attempt to explain the surrealism of Twitter and Facebook:

Twitter: You’re sitting in a huge auditorium with thousands of other people. Everyone has a little yellow sticky pad that they’re writing notes on. Everyone is passing these short little notes back and forth. None of the notes are related to each other. These notes pass through your hands and you read them. Some of them are funny, some of them are smart, but most of them make no sense to you whatsoever.

Facebook: You show up at your high school reunion and ho, what’s this? Your work friends are there. And hey, there’s your cousin from Nebraska. And your college roommate and whoa, an ex-lover – where’d HE come from? Better duck into the restroom.