E-mail from alumni chair to Zeta Chi sorority alumni:

Dear Zeta Chi Alum,

Let me introduce myself – my name is ___________, I am a Junior and I joined Zeta Chi on Spring 2010. I am the new Alumni Chair and I am excited to work with former Zeta Chis this year. As part of my duties, I will be planning the Alumni Weekend in October and ZX’s 30th Anniversary!

E-mail from my college roommate/sorority sister to me:

Hi there — Can you believe this shit??? I emailed her and told her to get her facts straight. I said Honey, I was in the second pledge class, so I know there’s no way it can be a 30 year anniversary. More like 10 or 15. Tops.

You should tell her too. Somebody has to straigthen this out.

E-mail from me to my college roommate:

One of us is in denial. And it ain’t just a river in Egypt.

E-mail from my college roommate to me:

Bitch. Love ya.