A fortune from a cookie sits on my drainboard: “Love asks me no questions and gives me endless support.” If the ancient Chinese wisdom of fortune cookies is to be believed, then I am failing miserably at loving my children.

Because I ask questions. Lots of questions. Just from this morning:

- Why did you tell your sister she sucks?
- Why does she always have to come upstairs with you? Why can’t you play upstairs by yourself?
- Why did you grab the last piece of pizza when you already have two on your plate?

These questions will change over the years (Who are you with? When are you coming home? What did you do to your hair?) but I will continue to ask them.

As for the endless support part of the fortune, I would say, define “endless.” Some things I don’t support. Like jumping off the high dive. Drinking Coke, especially before bedtime. Pretending you’re sick to your stomach to get out of Sunday school.

Okay, I was going to try to wind this up with some profound definition of love, which I don’t actually have, but then war broke out in the room where I’m writing. So I’ll just give you an example of how love plays out at my house.

Girl: “You’re a liar! You lied because you said there was no pizza left, and there was! You’re lying because you just want to see me cry!” This is followed by flopping on the floor, crying, coughing and then gagging. “I gotta throw up!” This is followed by spitting up a little bit of mucus into the potty, with much drama and recriminations. Then flopping on the bed in exhaustion.

Boy: “I made you a pallet on the floor. In case you want to lie down there.”

Girl: “That’s okay. I’ll go play upstairs with you.”

This poem came to me in the middle of the night, so I got up and wrote it on a sticky note:

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not obsessively text message. It does not compare you to old girlfriends. Nor does it practice emotional blackmail.

Most teenage boys suck at love. It’s a lot harder than baseball or soccer. There are real feelings at stake, and sometimes boys forget that. Sometimes they can’t help it because their hormones are screaming inside them so loudly they can’t hear anything else. Sometimes they just like to put themselves first. Some boys grow out of selfishness and some do not.

The important thing to remember is that you know what love is. Because girlfriend, you are loved by lots of people.

When you find that right someone, he will love you the way your people do. His love will feel warm and familiar, like your favorite t-shirt fresh out of the dryer. His love will lift you up and make you smile the way your friends do. It will comfort you and sustain you the way your parents do.

The hardest thing is to be patient for this Love. Sometimes it takes a long long time to find it. Sometimes it doesn’t. Like everything else, only God knows the timing. You have to have faith and hope that it will come. And while you’re waiting for Love with a capital L to come along, have fun. Goof off. Be free.

Keep your standards and your chin high, beautiful one.